These last two days have been brilliant. I've had a lot of time to myself often in the last few months but none of it willingly. In college on most days I wake up not wanting to get out of bed because there is nobody to fill the day with, it's a beautiful place but the people I want aren't there and the people I have don't fit properly, neither do I, when I'm with them. I won't say home has been been better, I had a mostly terrible summer of hating myself. I don't anymore because in these last two days I have started to reclaim myself but I can't see any peace in the near future either, this year is so unlike last year and I think, inevitably, next year will be so unlike this. I want today to be forever, like this, peaceful and on my own, secure in the knowledge that the people I love love me back and that I can do without them and they without me and that, each in himself or herself, we are all bloody banana republics.